This beginning

Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of my grandma's passing. I write for a living, but I've had trouble talking or writing about her death, mostly because it still feels impossible to live in a world where she doesn't exist. This is a darker place without her presence. I struggle to find words that would come close to honoring who she was and what she meant to me.

Georgia Terwilliger was a truly special person, and I don't say that because she was my grandmother, but because it's true. She was kind, compassionate, accepting, curious, intelligent, artistic, and giving. In junior high, when we had to write an essay about our hero, most of my classmates wrote about historical or political figures. I wrote about Grandma. I can honestly say that in the 31 years I knew her, I can't ever recall her being angry or upset. She had a serenity and inner peace that I admired greatly.

Though she was eternally optimistic, she was also remarkably deep and thoughtful. She was an artist, a writer, and an avid reader. She was inquisitive and always wanted to learn more than she already knew. When she retired, the school district she worked for named a library after her. She loved to travel, sail, volunteer, and be part of nature. She collected hummingbirds. She was married to my grandpa, her true love, for over 60 years. At family gatherings, she used to watch her three children, ten grandchildren, and eight great-grandchildren and remark with satisfaction, "Look at what we did!"



Grandma was my mother's mother, and something about this makes her life and death very poignant for me. She suffered dementia in her final years, but time seemed not to matter when she was around Marla. When she held her, she was the same proud grandmother I'd always known. She didn't always know or remember us, but she always remembered how to love.

 

I miss my grandma terribly, but I'm grateful she left such a robust legacy behind her. Poetry was one of her many interests, and reading her own poems helps me to feel her presence and hear her voice again. A couple of my favorites are below. Grandma, you have left a mark on this world that can never be erased. I love you.

 

This Beginning

 

Dawning

slow awakening

in the glow

of a new day

and the fading

wisp of a dream.

 

I look up

from dreaming

to life.

 

 

I Give to You

 

Take my poem

in your mind

make it yours.

 

Take the words

toss them high

hear them talk.

 

Take my thoughts

mix with yours

sing that song.

 

Take my dreams

add your dreams

fly with them.

 

-Georgia Terwilliger